Before I was pregnant I knew I wouldn’t have a lot of breast milk. My mom had very little breast milk which meant she only breastfed me for a month. Because of that, I had low expectations for my milk supply.
Even with expectation that I’d have little milk, I still struggled with breastfeeding. There are so many beautiful breastfeeding photos on Instagram, they look so EASY and NATURAL! As naive as I was, I honestly thought all I needed to do was put the baby to my breast, and she’d be fed
MY PLAN
I was never one to plan on breastfeeding for long. Here is kudos for moms who breastfeed more than a year. You guys rock! I planned on breastfeed for 3-4 months. 6 months the most if I can’t let go that sweet feeling of having Livvy at my breast. I also thought I wouldn’t need to pump very often. After all, I would always be with Livvy. She could just latch on, right!? I almost didn’t buy a pump!
THIS IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED…
Not only did we not expect Livvy arrive early, we also weren’t fully prepared. Without the breastfeeding class and not having done much homework on it, I was in the hospital panicking. I didn’t know what colostrum was, didn’t know what hand expressing was, didn’t know any breastfeeding positions, didn’t know what latching is.. the list goes on. Super thankful to the nurses that helped me at the hospital.
While I was in the hospital…
Being a preemie, Livvy hadn’t developed her “sucking/latching” skills yet when she was born. These skills are usually developed after week 37 of pregnancy. She couldn’t latch properly. Her weight started to drop. At two days old, her weight had already dropped 9.8%. Doctors were worried. They recommended topping up with either formula or donor milk. We decided to go with donor milk to give her all the antibodies she needed.
I started pumping around the clock, or as often as I could. Having a fresh c section wound and very swollen legs made it difficult to get up, nevermind pumping. I wasn’t getting much milk out, only a few mls at a time. We had to feed Livvy my expressed milk with a syringe!
At home..
During the first visit to Vancouver Breastfeeding Center, I was told that I would never produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed Livvy, because of my physical constraints. I’d only produce anywhere between 30ml – 50ml each feed/pump. Though this was something I had already known, hearing it out loud just made everything too real. I tried not to think too much of it but I find myself wondering from time to time… what if I had enough breastmilk for her?
I also met with a lactation consultant to help increase my milk supply. Needless to say I tried everything, from drinking peanut soup, Mother’s Milk tea to drinking lots of water.
Domperidone – the magic pill that makes everything ok?
All the nurses and lactation consultants I met recommended taking Domperidone, which is a medication that increases the hormone to produce breast milk. It seems this medication is common in moms who want to increase their supply. As much as I’d like to breastfeed Livvy exclusively, I drew a line at taking medication. I figure anything that meddles with my hormone production isn’t a good idea.
And now…
Livvy is now five months old and I am still breastfeeding. We were going to wean her off at 4 months but the whole world came crashing down… COVID-19 happened. I decided to continue breastfeeding her for the foreseeable future just to provide the antibodies she needs to stay healthy at this strange time.
You can skim through most of this blog post but please read this part.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO MOMS WHO CAN’T BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES EXCLUSIVELY.
We should not be judged on how we feed our babies – this is a given. All moms want the best for their babies. Please know that some of us just don’t have enough milk, and we will never produce enough milk. All moms who want to increase their supply would have tried everything under the sun. Next time when you speak to moms about low milk supply, please avoid saying things like, “just pump more!”, “let your baby latch on more often!” or “you should drink this soup and eat that”. We know all that and we’ve tried all that. IT JUST DOESN’T WORK.
Some people have beautiful skin. Some people have long legs. Some people have big eyes. Some people have a lot of breastmilk. Some people just don’t have breastmilk.
Instead, try to be compassionate. You can say things like, “It must break your heart”, “Just do the best you can” or “Don’t overthink it!”
I’ve come to learn that breastfeeding is a journey and a lifestyle choice. It’s easier if you accept it wholeheartedly and incorporate it into your lives. This includes your partner and family members. Sometimes you’d need a hand to continue on this journey and that is ok! You are not alone. We are all here to help!
SHOP MY BREASTFEEDING GEAR
